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Rocky Velgos, Artistic
Director of Letters to the Editor
Awards Night, relaxing during a break in the rehearsal
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March 13, 2008
Remembering
Rocky Velgos: Vistan championed rights for homosexual community
By: KATHY DAY - For the North County
Times
VISTA -- Rocky Velgos, who frequently sparked debate as a tireless activist on behalf of San Diego County's
homosexual community, was a passionate advocate who had a special way of stimulating conversation, his friends and family
said.
Velgos, 79, a longtime letter writer to the North County Times, died Monday from throat cancer.
The Vista resident had been married for 56 years to his wife, Jeanette. The couple began speaking out for fair treatment
of gays, lesbians, transgender and bisexual individuals in 1988, after learning that two of their sons were gay, Jeanette
Velgos said Wednesday.
"We didn't make any special effort to do anything about it until we realized we didn't
know any other gay people or parents of gays," she said.
Years ago, when the Velgoses saw a newspaper column
about a group called Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), they contacted the San Diego chapter. Within
six months, they were leading the group.
In the early 1990s, the couple organized a forum at Pilgrim United Church
of Christ in Carlsbad. That meeting resulted in regular North County gatherings of the group.
Rocky Velgos' outspoken
views often drew angry responses from some North County Times readers who didn't like his letters, including his final missive,
which appeared in the newspaper on Feb. 29.
Velgos' letter read, in part:
"I'm periodically dismayed
to read on these pages that some still believe being gay is a choice when it has been well established that our sexual orientation,
whatever it may be, is involuntary and fixed. The only choices gay men and women make are the same ones the rest of us make
-- the many decisions relating to our day-to-day behavior."
Dick Eiden, another local activist, called Velgos
"one of the most amazing people I've ever known."
Eiden and Velgos had been friends for 10 years since
meeting through the North County Forum, a group that "promotes progressive causes" in North County.
Eiden
said one of Velgos' most enduring legacies will be his oft-used phrase that "homosexuality is just a part of the tremendous
diversity of nature."
The Rev. Madison Shockley, pastor of the Carlsbad church, said Wednesday that "it's
hard to measure the impact of Rocky. He was quite a character -- a positive and forceful person."
That force
was felt as late as Sunday afternoon, as Velgos was enjoying another of his passions -- his play readings, Shockley said.
Velgos and some friends had gathered to read and discuss a version of Jeffery Scott's "Man and God, Having a
Few Beers and Talking Things Over," his wife said.
The title represented exactly what he loved about the readings,
she added: "It was a way to get people talking."
After the reading, Velgos asked his wife to drive home,
but on their way he began coughing and gasping for breath, she said.
The couple drove directly to Tri-City Hospital,
where he died Monday afternoon from constriction of his windpipe related to cancer.
He had been diagnosed with
inoperable throat and neck cancer two years ago. Treatment had enabled him to live two more years, his wife said.
Born on Oct. 15, 1928, Velgos was raised in Hamtramck, Mich., a suburb of Detroit.
He met his wife at a Polish
wedding, Jeanette Velgos recalled.
Besides his wife, Velgos is survived by sons Eric of Scottsdale, Ariz., Guy
of Tucson, Ariz., Neal of Philadelphia, Jay of Austin, Texas, and daughters Aleta of Fresno and Monica of Cambridge, Mass.,
and 11 grandchildren. He was preceded in death six years ago by daughter Nina.
A memorial service is scheduled
for 1 p.m. March 29 at Pilgrim United Church of Christ in Carlsbad. The family suggests that donations in Rocky Velgos' memory
be sent to Habitat for Humanity or Solutions for Change in Vista.
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